Wake up to Emotional Intelligence!

Leaders with Emotional Intelligence
 
The age of the self opinionated, directive leader is over. The age of the heart based leader has begun. In fact this has been true for some time now, as leaders emerge in all sectors willing to be responsible and accountable for their actions and feelings.  Take note of the word, ‘feelings’.
 
In this article, we shall look at why emotional intelligence is so important for leaders – and how you, as a leader, can improve yours.
 
What Is Emotional Intelligence?
 
Way back in 1990 the first sign of Emotional Intelligence as a concept was muted by Mayer and Salovey in the USA. They defined that Emotional Intelligence involved ‘the ability to monitor one’s own and others feelings and emotions, to discriminate among them and to use this information to guide one’s thinking and actions’. So, Emotional intelligence (EI) is the ability to understand and manage your own emotions, and those of the people around you. People with a high degree of emotional intelligence know what they are feeling, what their emotions mean, and most importantly, how these emotions can affect other people.
 
According to Daniel Goleman, an American psychologist who further helped to popularize EI during the 90’s, there are five main elements of emotional intelligence:

1. Self-awareness.
2. Self-regulation.
3. Motivation.
4. Empathy.
5. Social skills.

 
1. Self-awareness
 
If you are self-aware, you always know how you feel, and you know how your emotions and your actions can affect the people around you. Being self-aware when you are in a leadership position also means having a clear picture of your strengths and weaknesses and it means behaving with humility.
 
So, what can you do to improve your self-awareness?

• Keep a journal – Journals help you improve your self-awareness. If you spend just a few minutes each day writing down your thoughts, this can move you to a higher degree of self-awareness.
• Meditate – spend some quiet time for yourself, looking inwards in calm surroundings asking the questions of yourself, such as ‘did I do and act in the right way?’
• Get feedback from friends and colleagues – we find it difficult to do, and not many of us do this, but the best way to gauge the temperature of what is happening around you will be the honest feedback from friends and colleagues. It works, so try it!

 
2. Self-regulation
 
Leaders who regulate themselves effectively rarely verbally attack others, make rushed or emotional decisions, stereotype people, or compromise their values. Self-regulation is all about staying in control. This element of emotional intelligence, according to Goleman, also covers a leader's flexibility and commitment to personal accountability.
 
So, how can you improve your ability to self-regulate?

• Know your values – Do you have a clear idea of what you absolutely will not compromise? Do you know what values are most important to you? Spend some time examining your "code of ethics." If you know what's most important to you, then you probably will not have to think twice when you face a moral or ethical decision – you will make the right choice.
• Hold yourself accountable – If you tend to blame others when something goes wrong, stop. Make a commitment to admit to your mistakes and to face the consequences, whatever they are. You'll probably sleep better at night, and you will quickly earn the respect of those around you.
• Practice being calm – The next time you are in a challenging situation, be very aware of how you act. Do you relieve your stress by shouting at someone else? Practice deep-breathing exercises to calm yourself. Also, try to write down all of the negative things you want to say, and then rip it up and throw it away or even better burn them! Expressing these emotions on paper (and not showing them to anyone!) is better than speaking them aloud to your team. What's more, this helps you challenge your reactions to ensure that they are fair!

 
3. Motivation
 
Self-motivated leaders work consistently toward their goals, and they have extremely high standards for the quality of their work.
 
How can you improve your motivation?

• Re-examine why you are doing your job – It is easy to forget what you really love about your career. So, take some time to remember why you wanted this job. If you're unhappy in your role and you are struggling to remember why you wanted it, do some examination on your work goals.
• Know where you stand – Determine how motivated you are to lead.
• Be hopeful and find something good – Motivated leaders are usually optimistic, no matter what problems they face. Adopting this mindset might take practice, but it is well worth the effort. Every time you face a challenge, or even a failure, try to find at least one good thing about the situation. It might be something small, like a new contact, or something with long-term effects, like an important lesson learned. But there is almost always something positive, if you look for it.

 
4. Empathy
 
For leaders, having empathy is critical to managing a successful team or organization. Leaders with empathy have the ability to put themselves in someone else's situation. They help develop the people on their team, challenge others who are acting unfairly, give constructive feedback, and listen to those who need it. If you want to earn the respect and loyalty of your team, then show them you care by being empathic.
 
How can you improve your empathy?

• Put yourself in someone else's position – It is easy to support your own point of view. After all, it is yours! But take the time to look at situations from other people's perspectives.
• Pay attention to body language – Perhaps when you listen to someone, you cross your arms, move your feet back and forth, or bite your lip. This body language

tells others how you really feel about a situation, and the message you are giving is not positive! Learning to read body language can be a real asset in a leadership role, because you will be better able to determine how someone truly feels. This gives you the opportunity to respond appropriately.

• Respond to feelings – You ask your assistant to work late – again. And although he agrees, you can hear the disappointment in his voice. So, respond by addressing his feelings. Tell him you appreciate how willing he is to work extra hours, and that you're just as frustrated about working late. If possible, figure out a way for future late nights to be less of an issue (for example, give him Monday mornings off).

 
5. Social skills
 
Leaders who do well in the social skills element of emotional intelligence are great communicators. They are just as open to hearing bad news as good news, and they are expert at getting their team to support them and be excited about a new mission or project.
Leaders who have good social skills are also good at managing change and resolving conflicts diplomatically. They are rarely satisfied with leaving things as they are, but they do not sit back and make everyone else do the work: They set an example with their own behavior.
 
So, how can you build social skills?

• Learn conflict resolution – Leaders must know how to resolve conflicts between their team members, customers, or vendors. Learning conflict resolution skills is vital if you want to succeed.

 
For leaders, having emotional intelligence is essential for success. After all, who is more likely to succeed – a leader who shouts at his team when he's under stress, or a leader who stay in control, and calmly assesses the situation? Take the time to work on self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation, empathy, and social skills. Working on these areas will help you excel in the future!
 
Sources:
 
Read more on EI with Daniel Goleman. His 1995 book, Emotional Intelligence (Bantam Books) was on The New York Times bestseller list for a year-and-a-half; with more than 5,000,000 copies in print worldwide in 40 languages, and has been a best seller in many countries.
 
Mayer and Salovey  http://www.unh.edu/emotional_intelligence/EIAssets/EmotionalIntelligenceProper/EI1990%20Emotional%20Intelligence.pdf
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